River Dee, Aberdeen.Digital Image 
When I was first diagnosed schiz, I used to go to a drop-in centre and then sometimes to the pub later.One time a few of us, maybe five, were sat having a pint in a local bar, when two women social workers from the council sat at a table next to ours.Both wore an ID badge with the department’s name but not their own name.They had loud voices and began talking boisterously about various mental illness.They announced that “schizophrenics need to be trained like dogs”  and that some can even do tricks ha ha ha.They bemoaned Care In The Community  and said that  ’the number of rapes has gone through the roof since they started letting those weirdos live amongst normal people.”This went on for a while until one of my friends got up, walked over to the ladies’ table and said;“I’m schizophrenic and so are my friends here…can I have your names please?”The two women quickly got to their feet and walked away without another word which I found quite interesting.Every social worker I’d had up that point had spoken to me in a slow sing-song voice as if I was completely retarded.
it was actually quite fascinating to find out why. 

River Dee, Aberdeen.
Digital Image 


When I was first diagnosed schiz, I used to go to a drop-in centre and then sometimes to the pub later.

One time a few of us, maybe five, were sat having a pint in a local bar, when two women social workers from the council sat at a table next to ours.

Both wore an ID badge with the department’s name but not their own name.
They had loud voices and began talking boisterously about various mental illness.

They announced that “schizophrenics need to be trained like dogs”  and that some can even do tricks ha ha ha.

They bemoaned Care In The Community  and said that  ’the number of rapes has gone through the roof since they started letting those weirdos live amongst normal people.”

This went on for a while until one of my friends got up, walked over to the ladies’ table and said;

“I’m schizophrenic and so are my friends here…can I have your names please?”

The two women quickly got to their feet and walked away without another word which I found quite interesting.

Every social worker I’d had up that point had spoken to me in a slow sing-song voice as if I was completely retarded.

it was actually quite fascinating to find out why. 

The Star and Garter Pub, AberdeenDigital ImageSorry I ground to a halt over Christmas and New Year.The two lovely people who keep me on track both went away for the holidays and I kind of fell to pieces for a while.I could manage 20-word fb stuff, but nothing more.The voices get worse when you are lonely, or at least mine do.To be honest, I was pretty smashed all the time…the only way to keep the panic at bay sometimes. 

The Star and Garter Pub, Aberdeen
Digital Image

Sorry I ground to a halt over Christmas and New Year.
The two lovely people who keep me on track both went away for the holidays and I kind of fell to pieces for a while.
I could manage 20-word fb stuff, but nothing more.
The voices get worse when you are lonely, or at least mine do.
To be honest, I was pretty smashed all the time…the only way to keep the panic at bay sometimes. 

Sunrise, AberdeenDigital ImageI’m an atheist, so I have a secular Christmas.Because I’m housebound, my carer/friend came over a few days ago and we had a wee day of red wine, presents and TV.It was nice to have company as I’m quite isolated these days.I have a few friends on fb who are similar in various ways; either schiz or agoraphobic or into art etc, so I guess we might pm a bit.Anyway, Merry whatever-you-celebrate and a Happy New Year.Mikey xx

Sunrise, Aberdeen
Digital Image

I’m an atheist, so I have a secular Christmas.
Because I’m housebound, my carer/friend came over a few days ago and we had a wee day of red wine, presents and TV.
It was nice to have company as I’m quite isolated these days.
I have a few friends on fb who are similar in various ways; either schiz or agoraphobic or into art etc, so I guess we might pm a bit.
Anyway, Merry whatever-you-celebrate and a Happy New Year.
Mikey xx

Ruined Castle, ScotlandPentax SpotmaticKodak Tri-X FilmScotland is very beautiful, but the mental health services are appalling.Maybe it balances out somehow. 

Ruined Castle, Scotland
Pentax Spotmatic
Kodak Tri-X Film

Scotland is very beautiful, but the mental health services are appalling.
Maybe it balances out somehow. 

Sexuality Or Lack Of It.

I’m kind of in limbo as regards to my sexuality.
I’d thought that I identified as asexual, but I struggle to relate to what aven seems to be about.

Anyway, I’m not much of a joiner, so following other people’s rules about what I can and cannot do isn’t my scene.

I’m an atheist, I don’t vote and I have never really joined any group with a membership or committee, save for a local art club, and that’s more to do with being eligible to exhibit in shows than having to follow someone else’s version of right and wrong.

My shrink reckons that a lack of sexuality in a person with schiz and aspergers is pretty much a given, so I guess my neuter state is just a part of that condition.

The Reader (In the Shadow of a Lion)Digital ImageI like to photograph moments in time that appeal to me.In the 90s I was told by a CPN that she believed that schizophrenics shouldn’t be allowed to own cameras because we were ‘likely to stalk people and take abusive images’.Wow….I don’t recognise any of that in my own work or in the work of any of the ‘out’ mentally ill artists I know (or indeed in any of the equally wonderful ‘in’ mentally ill artists who have been kind enough to contact me and share their stories).I guess the eternal problem is that a photo of a beautiful rose becomes ‘abusive’ to some people upon finding out that the creative person behind the image has a diagnosis. I wish I knew where that anger, fear and hatred comes from.

The Reader (In the Shadow of a Lion)
Digital Image

I like to photograph moments in time that appeal to me.
In the 90s I was told by a CPN that she believed that schizophrenics shouldn’t be allowed to own cameras because we were ‘likely to stalk people and take abusive images’.
Wow….I don’t recognise any of that in my own work or in the work of any of the ‘out’ mentally ill artists I know (or indeed in any of the equally wonderful ‘in’ mentally ill artists who have been kind enough to contact me and share their stories).
I guess the eternal problem is that a photo of a beautiful rose becomes ‘abusive’ to some people upon finding out that the creative person behind the image has a diagnosis. 
I wish I knew where that anger, fear and hatred comes from.

Loss

I could just cry when I think of all the artwork and diaries that I’ve lost over the years, mostly through passive/aggressive Social Workers and CPNs who love to tell me with a smirk that “I helped you tidy up by throwing out all those folders….oh sorry….did you need them? oh well…you can alway do more ha ha ha”

The Food BusLino Print A3In the 1980s I lived for two years at Faslane Peace Camp in Scotland.It was basically a commune of mostly vegans living in caravans without electricity or TVs.Ostensibly we were protesting about the nearby nuclear submarine base, but people had a variety of reasons for being there.I was trying to get into art school and made a lot of work about the camp, some of which formed my entry portfolio.This lino print of the bus where we stored all the food was one of the pieces I submitted.I was hearing voices at the time, but was referring to them as ‘flashbacks’ as I knew they had started when I was spiked with LSD.Strangely, I’ve always fought against the hallucinations I see and have never committed them to paper as I feel that would be me declaring to the world that “this is normality for me.”Instead, I’ve always tried to keep my art as straight as I can manage and have  worked on my life drawing and colour theory skills as a way of holding back the tide of madness.

The Food Bus
Lino Print 
A3


In the 1980s I lived for two years at Faslane Peace Camp in Scotland.
It was basically a commune of mostly vegans living in caravans without electricity or TVs.
Ostensibly we were protesting about the nearby nuclear submarine base, but people had a variety of reasons for being there.
I was trying to get into art school and made a lot of work about the camp, some of which formed my entry portfolio.
This lino print of the bus where we stored all the food was one of the pieces I submitted.
I was hearing voices at the time, but was referring to them as ‘flashbacks’ as I knew they had started when I was spiked with LSD.
Strangely, I’ve always fought against the hallucinations I see and have never committed them to paper as I feel that would be me declaring to the world that “this is normality for me.”
Instead, I’ve always tried to keep my art as straight as I can manage and have  worked on my life drawing and colour theory skills as a way of holding back the tide of madness.

 I can’t demand my own liberation and turn a blind eye to that of others.

More photoshop silliness.I should get a job in advertising. 

More photoshop silliness.
I should get a job in advertising.